100 Results in Socialising

Making things better after a meltdown

In most cases, when an autistic person has a meltdown, they have very little control. This is especially true with children, but many adults also are not able to control their behaviour once a meltdown has been triggered. Whilst a meltdown is happening, most people will agree that there is no control. This is how the girl with the curly hair's meltdowns tend to start...

The importance of specific language

Words are very important. I am very specific and pedantic when I talk and I always prefer others to be too. Although other people can sometimes get frustrated or annoyed with my need to get down to the 'semantics' of what is being said, knowing the semantics is actually a good thing as it often represents a desire to connect with the other person. It's well known that people with ASD tend to take words as they are literally said and can therefore go around in a state of confusion if words are not said literally. This can make daily life very hard. For example, a person on our Facebook page commented: "My boss said 'bring me the safe.' She goes into the back office and sees me struggling to lift the safe so I can bring it to her. She says, 'I meant bring me what's inside the safe.' The safe itself was bolted to the floor." Here you can see the words the boss said were confusing and meant the person misunderstood the task. But there is another reason that words are important too...

Why a person with ASD might cancel last minute

I often make plans or agree to plans with others that sound OK, might even sound fun, but then when the time actually comes I don't want to go through with it. Throughout my life, I've been known to cancel on people last minute. Even though I like to think of myself as a highly reliable and committed person, I would more often than not cancel events and meetings. Interestingly, as an adult who has come to terms with my diagnosis I have created a life structure that is both helpful and energising. Subsequently, I cancel far less nowadays. In this post, I will talk about some of the reasons why a person with ASD might cancel something last minute and suggest strategies on how to lessen the chance of this happening. For other people, reading and understanding why plans can sometimes cause difficulty for people with ASD, you can help make their life easier too. 

What to say to a friend who is suffering

When you have ASD, it can be very hard to know what to say and how to respond to people. Even under 'normal' circumstances, such as having a coffee and a chat with a friend or speaking with colleagues at work, this can be difficult. So what happens when someone you know becomes involved in a far more unusual situation, such as when they are suffering because of a loss or an illness? How do you know what to say to them then? Mourning and suffering occur for lots of reasons. It can be the more obvious, e.g. the death of a loved one or a pet, but it can also mean a break up, an illness, moving away from your birth town, etc. All these things can cause a person to suffer and trigger grief or mourning. It is never easy to deal with, and finding the right words to help someone who is suffering can be tricky. Here are our 5 tips on how to communicate with a friend who has known loss, illness, depression…or is faced with any type of suffer or mourning.

The very important people vs alone balance

What I describe in this blog article is something I wish I had understood a long, long time ago! Thinking back over my life I come to see that all the major times of emotional distress I experienced came from when I was spending too much time around people and too little time on my own. There is an optimal balance of 'people time' vs 'alone time' and you have to work out what exactly it is for you. Once you know what it is, you can work out how to maintain this balance through your day to day and long term plans.

‘High maintenance’

This is an article describing why people with ASD (especially girls and women, as they tend to be more sensitive) may be considered and described as being 'high maintenance' by their loved ones. Personally, I am not interested in material things and my life is very simple and inexpensive. I don't go out very often, I don't really care about how I look, and my interests/needs don't require me to spend a lot of money. In this sense, I'm very low maintenance. I do of course have ASD however, which means I have "special needs", and there are lots of other things I do require. In this article, I will talk about a few of them. Not wanting things rather than wanting things Sounds, smells and tastes The chapter 'Try Feeling This!' in the book 22 Things a Woman with Asperger's Syndrome wants her Partner to Know is very interesting. Rudy Simone, the author, describes how an autistic person may not even think they are high maintenance because most of the stuff is about what they don't want.

Difficulties associated with being an introvert

Once I learned what introversion was, a lot of things made sense to me. I am an introvert. Once I began to understand what it meant, I felt a lot better about myself (before I knew about introversion and extroversion, I used to wonder why everyone else was so social and I wasn't). What is difficult however, is that 99% of the people around me are not as introverted as I am. In fact, I have not, to date, come across anyone who is as introverted as me.

Dealing with unsafe situations – recognising danger

Children with ASD may be more prone to putting themselves in dangerous situations than children without ASD. It doesn't stop in childhood - adults with ASD too, may unintentionally put themselves in dangerous situations more frequently than other people. There is already lots of interesting and helpful information about this subject on the internet and in books. In particular, sources often detail on sensory processing challenges - for example, a person not being able to recognise when something is too hot, too cold, or too sharp and touching it. I am going to look at recognising danger from some other angles, however. I hope you enjoy my thoughts!

People with ASD: argumentative?

I am the sort of person who always has to have the last word about something. I understand that many people on the spectrum have this trait. This article was triggered because my friend said to me, "Alis, my daughter always has to have the last word. And I think you are like this too? It's very difficult for the family." Funny enough, it seems to me that our neurotypical loved ones 'find' themselves in arguments... they do not tend to start them! Let's define what "to have the last word" means. It means that, in a conversation or - more commonly - in a disagreement or argument, a person says something which is final, i.e. that topic of discussion ends. It usually means that the person who makes the final statement has made the final decision. Two easy examples are a head chef having the last word on what dish is served next week, or a father having the last word on getting his child to have a bath. To have the last word also means not to be able to 'drop' something. Sometimes it means to initiate arguments. Although many people with ASD avoid conflict at all costs, others are very argumentative. In this article, I will look at why people with ASD might be so argumentative and how loved ones can cope with this difficult trait.

Difficulties and triggers vs likes and needs

One of the most helpful things about knowing I am autistic, is gaining understanding of things that help me and things that hinder me. Once I understood what are my difficulties and triggers, and my likes and needs (specifically, the things that make me gain social energy), I became aware of my limitations and was able to adjust my lifestyle. There are a lot of things I can do, but I don't (or I won't) do them. This is the way I live. It enables me to live a happy life and I achieve a lot of things. For me, putting limits on my lifestyle has been very enabling. In this article, I wanted to show why limitations can actually be a good thing.