100 Results in Socialising

Changing relationships pre- and post-diagnosis

An awkward scenario I find myself in is when I come in contact with someone who knew me before my diagnosis. Last year I met up with an old classmate, who I had not been in touch with since university. When discussing what we'd been up to, I mentioned the curly hair project, and of course this led to further questions... eventually with me disclosing that I'd been diagnosed as autistic some time after the end of my degree. The young man's response was something like "Oh... ok."

Consequences of masking

When you learn about autism, you will probably have come across a term known as 'masking.' It is sometimes hard to describe exactly what masking is, but I will do it in my own way here. What is masking? Masking is the term used to describe hiding autistic traits. For some people at some points in their life, masking will be intentional, conscious behaviours. For others - especially younger girls I imagine - they may not even realise they are doing it. For me, it was only after I started learning about autism that I realised that I had spent a large proportion of my life masking. Before this, I hadn't really been aware I was doing it. Masking means that people will not see on the outside that an individual is autistic. There are many simple examples of masking, such as:

“Why are you so quiet?”

How many of you have ever had the question asked, "Why are you so quiet?" or along those lines? My quietness was commented on throughout my entire childhood - by peers as well as teachers. Yet no one ever suspected I had ASD. People thought quietness was a negative character trait. This is really sad as it can actually be a wonderful, positive trait. I always used to think what a strange thing it was for teachers to remark on, since as far as I was concerned, school was a place where students listened and teachers taught. I never used to say anything, I just used to get on with my work quietly. Why was there a problem? I was getting high marks and meeting deadlines. Even as an adult, the few times I've been in employment, I've had colleagues and employers tell me that I'm "quiet." Well, yes I am quiet, why is it such a big deal to have a quiet personality? "Why are you so quiet?" is such an odd question to ask. I would never dream of asking somebody that. It feels really judgmental. I wonder why people feel that this is an acceptable thing to say? It just seems such a ridiculous thing to comment on. In hindsight however, I understand why a teacher would comment on it. They think something is wrong and that the person's confidence needs to be developed. But never did they suspect it was a characteristic of my ASD. Being quiet can be a part of someone's personality (like mine). There may also be more to it (as in my case, too). Here are some possible reasons why a person on the autistic spectrum might be quiet:

Loneliness: a part of being on the spectrum?

‘Ella (28, ASD) has promised her dad to go and watch his performance with the guitar school he takes classes with. The performance takes place in a theatre, and every seat is taken as the performance was sold out. Ella finds that a lot of people want to talk to her about the unique coat… Join The Curly Hair Project Community Today This article and our podcasts are available only to members of our community. If you would like to continue to read this article, along with receiv…

5 tips to help your autistic loved one after work

‘Ella, 27, ASD, works part time at the post office and lives with her mum. Her job is to sort out the letters early in the morning, and deliver the first round of newspapers. Every now and again she has to ring doorbells to deliver parcels as well. When she leaves work and gets home,… Join The Curly Hair Project Community Today This article and our podcasts are available only to members of our community. If you would like to continue to read this article, along with receiving…

Communication: one cannot not communicate

‘Tina (16, ASD) is walking down the street on her way to school. Unexpectedly, she sees a boy and girl from her class. Tina nervously looks around, trying to remain unseen, but it seems both her classmates have noticed her and are walking towards her. The girl greets Tina but Tina stands there nervously, not… Join The Curly Hair Project Community Today This article and our podcasts are available only to members of our community. If you would like to continue to read this a…

4 golden rules for managing sensations

Having suffered an injury, I've had frequent hospital appointments! That's the inspiration for this blog article. For someone like me who has hypersensitivity, even 'normal' sensations can be extremely uncomfortable. Sounds such as fire alarm tests, sirens, drilling, hammering, the doorbell ringing and lorries driving past are things that can happen every day yet they don't overly bother most people. I personally hate the sounds of live music, instruments, singing and clapping as well, whereas many people enjoy those sounds. Nobody likes the smell of garbage or sewage but - again - people seem to get over them quickly. Feelings such as combing your hair or wearing certain items of clothing can be uncomfortable to some people but not overly so.

Autistic personas

When I see people, I tend to meet them under one or two scenarios: When my social energy is high When I am masking The problem with this is that neither of these 'appearances' are the truest version of me, which means the people I meet see a sort of 'persona'. This has several consequences, which I will talk about further down. First, let's look at those two scenarios:

Autism – how do we communicate?

Communication is a daily need in our lives. We communicate to let people know how we feel, what we want, to share thoughts, feelings and experiences, to warn others… etc. Communication is both verbal and non verbal, meaning we communicate in spoken language as well as our body language and expressions on our face. What… Join The Curly Hair Project Community Today This article and our podcasts are available only to members of our community. If you would like to continue…

4 simple strategies for socialising

Many people with ASD crave companionship, want to make friends and spend time with friends. But even spending time with friends can be difficult and stressful, which is something that I'm not sure many neurotypical people would understand. This article provides 4 simple strategies for both the individual with ASD and their friend(s), to make the time spent together more comfortable for the individual with ASD, which will consequently make the relationship stronger and more enjoyable for both.