91 Results in Socialising

How to improve your listening skills

Listening is a very important component of good communication. Many people consider themselves to be "good listeners"... but are they really?! Just because you are an introverted or a quiet person for example, it does not automatically make you good at listening. Communication is very difficult for autistic people and I have noticed that a lot of autism literature focuses on helping autistic people to improve their understanding and use of body language, tone of voice and eye contact. Listening skills are often overlooked. In this article I will give you some ideas on how to improve your listening skills. These suggestions are also going to be useful to neurotypical people.  We should always remember that communication between neurotypical and autistic people can be especially hard. Misunderstandings are common. Therefore, it's even more vital for both neurotypical and autistic people to work on improving their listening skills, so as to be able to communicate more effectively with each other.

The Supercompensation Theory

I came up with the idea of Supercompensation (inspired by a concept in sports science) a long time ago and we recently made it into an animation.

Are we 80% colleagues and 20% friends, or are we 100% friends?

My social network is quite big but there are only a very small number of people who I would call my friends. This is because when I met these people, the only mutual motivation we had, was that we liked each other's company and wanted to carry on seeing each other. There was a natural spark between us. This is in comparison to the people I've known through education and work. My initial reason for being around those people is that we were doing the same course or worked for the same company. If we had a spark, it came after the first link we had which was that mutual work project. A mutual project is a really strong way to support my attempts at friendships initially. That's why I have sometimes advised in my work that a helpful way for an autistic person to make friends might be through a particular setting, such as an art club or through swimming lessons. That common interest is an ice-breaker and makes socialising so much easier because you can talk about what you are doing.

The 3 ways to connect with someone

I have often wondered why I get on well with some people and why being around others causes stress. When I thought about it, I realised that it was primarily to do with just three things!! I realised that there are three main ways that people can connect with each other and those people who I don't get on with are the ones who don't use any of these ways. I have also made a very good animation to explain this, which you can watch below! The ways can be thought of as levels:

How to help someone avoid masking

Masking is a word used to describe the behaviours by autistic people in order to 'hide' their autistic traits. As well as causing anxiety and exhaustion, another consequence of masking is that other people do not get to see the true person. This is a very sad situation to be in because it can ruin an autistic person's relationships. If an autistic person is never themselves around someone then it leads to the other person building up a false idea of their personality. This makes the other person have expectations of the autistic person that they are unlikely to be able to meet or maintain over the long term. In the end, the relationship is a great stress for the autistic person. In order to have a sincere and meaningful relationship with an autistic person, a neurotypical person could try doing some things in order to encourage the autistic person not to mask, and to help them "come out of their glass jar" a bit. Here are some strategies that I suggest:

How does social anxiety differ for autistic people?

Long before I knew I had Asperger's Syndrome, my GP said I had social anxiety. I did some reading on social anxiety and although it did sort of fit me, it wasn't an exact fit. Most of the literature on social anxiety talked about people who have self-critical, negative thoughts such as... "Nobody likes me" "What if I make a fool of myself?" "I'm such a failure at socialising" I sort of had these thoughts, but wasn't really sure. Those thoughts were probably more linked to being young and feeling insecure generally rather than anything else. As I got older and after I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome I realised that the thoughts I was actually having were more linked to my social communication difficulties rather than believing people to be judging me. I like myself and I know that I am a nice person! So once I fully understood and accepted that I had Asperger's Syndrome, I no longer had those sorts of thoughts at all. The reason for my social anxiety, now that I know I have ASD, is more to do with finding social interactions extremely difficult and overwhelming.

Autistic introversion vs autistic extroversion

I always used to think that autistic people could only ever be introverted. As The Curly Hair Project developed, I soon realised this belief was completely false, because I have come across so many autistic extroverts. In this article I want to discuss why people might have the belief that autistic people are introverted, what the differences are between autistic introverts and extroverts, and how we can possibly support each type so that they have a fulfilling and enjoyable life!

Does talking help?

There is a belief that "talking helps". That has never been my experience. A lot of the time I find that talking about my feelings makes me feel worse than before. I wanted to summarise why this might be.

The Dissociation Effect

The Dissociation* Effect is a way to describe what autistic people might experience during a group social situation. It also describes what neurotypical people might experience in comparison. *Note that 'Dissociation' is a recognised psychological experience with trauma. It is not the same as what I am talking about in this article. Watch our awesome animation to see The Dissociation Effect explained:

To care or not care what others think?

Lots of people care greatly about what others think of them. Most of us from a young age are pressurised to behave and look a certain way and to follow social rules. At school, children who don't meet this strict social 'criteria', tend to be bullied. Adults may be judged negatively or suffer discrimination. Since autistic people tend to be different from most people, I wondered whether they would tend to worry about how other people perceive them.