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Making things better after a meltdown

Posted: August 22, 2017

In most cases, when an autistic person has a meltdown, they have very little control. This is especially true with children, but many adults also are not able to control their behaviour once a meltdown has been triggered. Whilst a meltdown is happening, most people will agree that there is no control. This is how the girl with the curly hair's meltdowns tend to start...

17 tips for doing chores you hate

Posted: August 16, 2017

There are always certain chores that you are going to dislike doing, it's part of being human! However, as well as "disliking", people on the autistic spectrum may struggle with executive functioning - the set of mental skills that enables people to get things done, things such as planning, initiating, following steps, etc. Here are some of my best tips for doing the things you don't like to do. I hope you find at least one of them helpful!

The importance of specific language

Posted: August 9, 2017

Words are very important. I am very specific and pedantic when I talk and I always prefer others to be too. Although other people can sometimes get frustrated or annoyed with my need to get down to the 'semantics' of what is being said, knowing the semantics is actually a good thing as it often represents a desire to connect with the other person. It's well known that people with ASD tend to take words as they are literally said and can therefore go around in a state of confusion if words are not said literally. This can make daily life very hard. For example, a person on our Facebook page commented: "My boss said 'bring me the safe.' She goes into the back office and sees me struggling to lift the safe so I can bring it to her. She says, 'I meant bring me what's inside the safe.' The safe itself was bolted to the floor." Here you can see the words the boss said were confusing and meant the person misunderstood the task. But there is another reason that words are important too...

Why a person with ASD might cancel last minute

Posted: August 2, 2017

I often make plans or agree to plans with others that sound OK, might even sound fun, but then when the time actually comes I don't want to go through with it. Throughout my life, I've been known to cancel on people last minute. Even though I like to think of myself as a highly reliable and committed person, I would more often than not cancel events and meetings. Interestingly, as an adult who has come to terms with my diagnosis I have created a life structure that is both helpful and energising. Subsequently, I cancel far less nowadays. In this post, I will talk about some of the reasons why a person with ASD might cancel something last minute and suggest strategies on how to lessen the chance of this happening. For other people, reading and understanding why plans can sometimes cause difficulty for people with ASD, you can help make their life easier too.

What to say to a friend who is suffering

Posted: July 24, 2017

When you have ASD, it can be very hard to know what to say and how to respond to people. Even under 'normal' circumstances, such as having a coffee and a chat with a friend or speaking with colleagues at work, this can be difficult. So what happens when someone you know becomes involved in a far more unusual situation, such as when they are suffering because of a loss or an illness? How do you know what to say to them then? Mourning and suffering occur for lots of reasons. It can be the more obvious, e.g. the death of a loved one or a pet, but it can also mean a break up, an illness, moving away from your birth town, etc. All these things can cause a person to suffer and trigger grief or mourning. It is never easy to deal with, and finding the right words to help someone who is suffering can be tricky. Here are our 5 tips on how to communicate with a friend who has known loss, illness, depression…or is faced with any type of suffer or mourning.

The very important people vs alone balance

Posted: July 18, 2017

What I describe in this blog article is something I wish I had understood a long, long time ago! Thinking back over my life I come to see that all the major times of emotional distress I experienced came from when I was spending too much time around people and too little time on my own. There is an optimal balance of 'people time' vs 'alone time' and you have to work out what exactly it is for you. Once you know what it is, you can work out how to maintain this balance through your day to day and long term plans.

Things for people with ASD to consider when looking for work

Posted: July 11, 2017

In October 2016, the National Autistic Society found that only 16% of autistic adults were in full time work. This is such a low percentage! But I completely understand why it might be so low. Reasons can include the person with ASD having trouble with the whole job application process, not passing interviews, or struggling to keep up with the social and executive function demands of employment once they do actually get a job, hence not lasting long before leaving. Another big reason is that most potential employers are not understanding of ASD in general and do not quite realise the reasonable adjustments that ought to be made to help a person with ASD pass the interview, for example. I know of someone who has applied for hundreds of jobs, has had hundreds of interviews, yet has not been in work for 10 years, despite really wanting to and trying hard! I've had - and still have - lots and lots of different jobs. It has taken me a while to get myself on the right career path however and I've been very miserable in some of the jobs I've had (jobs that should have, in theory, been very good for me). Here's my advice on finding the right job and perhaps thinking about it in ways you've not thought of.

10 ways to ease primary to secondary transition with ASD

Posted: July 3, 2017

The transition from primary to secondary school is thought to be one of the most difficult times for children on the autistic spectrum. Many girls in particular seem to cope quite well at primary school (even without an ASD diagnosis or without ASD even being suspected); and indeed it's far more common for girls to only be diagnosed at or after puberty, rather than before. There are lots of thoughts about why this is but in this article I will write to parents about some of the difficulties that may occur for children with ASD because of the primary to secondary transition and some suggestions on what can be done to make it easier. I would like to emphasise the huge importance of thinking about the move to secondary school well before the time actually comes. I sometimes talk to parents who tell me that their child is "only [age]" [and so] "it's a bit too early to think about that now" but I can assure you that it is not too early to at least be somewhat aware of the challenges that may arise. Many of the challenges can be greatly reduced by preparing early or, for some things, simply by being aware of them. Girls with ASD (in particular) are prone to suffering from mental health conditions in their teenage years. Some of these conditions, such as eating disorders, can negatively affect that person for the rest of their life. If there is the chance therefore, that we can reduce the likelihood of these conditions from arising, we should take it! Here's my advice to parents, based on personal experience of the things that would have helped me:

‘High maintenance’

Posted: June 26, 2017

This is an article describing why people with ASD (especially girls and women, as they tend to be more sensitive) may be considered and described as being 'high maintenance' by their loved ones. Personally, I am not interested in material things and my life is very simple and inexpensive. I don't go out very often, I don't really care about how I look, and my interests/needs don't require me to spend a lot of money. In this sense, I'm very low maintenance. I do of course have ASD however, which means I have "special needs", and there are lots of other things I do require. In this article, I will talk about a few of them. Not wanting things rather than wanting things Sounds, smells and tastes The chapter 'Try Feeling This!' in the book 22 Things a Woman with Asperger's Syndrome wants her Partner to Know is very interesting. Rudy Simone, the author, describes how an autistic person may not even think they are high maintenance because most of the stuff is about what they don't want.

Difficulties associated with being an introvert

Posted: June 10, 2017

Once I learned what introversion was, a lot of things made sense to me. I am an introvert. Once I began to understand what it meant, I felt a lot better about myself (before I knew about introversion and extroversion, I used to wonder why everyone else was so social and I wasn't). What is difficult however, is that 99% of the people around me are not as introverted as I am. In fact, I have not, to date, come across anyone who is as introverted as me.

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