70 Results in socialising

What happens when plans suddenly change?

Lots of people with ASD like to have plans and be able to follow them. Let's look at what happens and how a person might feel when a plan is suddenly changed.

Why a person with ASD might cancel last minute

I often make plans or agree to plans with others that sound OK, might even sound fun, but then when the time actually comes I don't want to go through with it. Throughout my life, I've been known to cancel on people last minute. Even though I like to think of myself as a highly reliable and committed person, I would more often than not cancel events and meetings. Interestingly, as an adult who has come to terms with my diagnosis I have created a life structure that is both helpful and energising. Subsequently, I cancel far less nowadays. In this post, I will talk about some of the reasons why a person with ASD might cancel something last minute and suggest strategies on how to lessen the chance of this happening. For other people, reading and understanding why plans can sometimes cause difficulty for people with ASD, you can help make their life easier too. 

The very important people vs alone balance

What I describe in this blog article is something I wish I had understood a long, long time ago! Thinking back over my life I come to see that all the major times of emotional distress I experienced came from when I was spending too much time around people and too little time on my own. There is an optimal balance of 'people time' vs 'alone time' and you have to work out what exactly it is for you. Once you know what it is, you can work out how to maintain this balance through your day to day and long term plans.

Things for people with ASD to consider when looking for work

In October 2016, the National Autistic Society found that only 16% of autistic adults were in full time work. This is such a low percentage! But I completely understand why it might be so low. Reasons can include the person with ASD having trouble with the whole job application process, not passing interviews, or struggling to keep up with the social and executive function demands of employment once they do actually get a job, hence not lasting long before leaving. Another big reason is that most potential employers are not understanding of ASD in general and do not quite realise the reasonable adjustments that ought to be made to help a person with ASD pass the interview, for example. I know of someone who has applied for hundreds of jobs, has had hundreds of interviews, yet has not been in work for 10 years, despite really wanting to and trying hard! I've had - and still have - lots and lots of different jobs. It has taken me a while to get myself on the right career path however and I've been very miserable in some of the jobs I've had (jobs that should have, in theory, been very good for me). Here's my advice on finding the right job and perhaps thinking about it in ways you've not thought of.

10 ways to ease primary to secondary transition with ASD

The transition from primary to secondary school is thought to be one of the most difficult times for children on the autistic spectrum. Many girls in particular seem to cope quite well at primary school (even without an ASD diagnosis or without ASD even being suspected); and indeed it's far more common for girls to only be diagnosed at or after puberty, rather than before. There are lots of thoughts about why this is but in this article I will write to parents about some of the difficulties that may occur for children with ASD because of the primary to secondary transition and some suggestions on what can be done to make it easier. I would like to emphasise the huge importance of thinking about the move to secondary school well before the time actually comes. I sometimes talk to parents who tell me that their child is "only [age]" [and so] "it's a bit too early to think about that now" but I can assure you that it is not too early to at least be somewhat aware of the challenges that may arise. Many of the challenges can be greatly reduced by preparing early or, for some things, simply by being aware of them. Girls with ASD (in particular) are prone to suffering from mental health conditions in their teenage years. Some of these conditions, such as eating disorders, can negatively affect that person for the rest of their life. If there is the chance therefore, that we can reduce the likelihood of these conditions from arising, we should take it! Here's my advice to parents, based on personal experience of the things that would have helped me:

Difficulties associated with being an introvert

Once I learned what introversion was, a lot of things made sense to me. I am an introvert. Once I began to understand what it meant, I felt a lot better about myself (before I knew about introversion and extroversion, I used to wonder why everyone else was so social and I wasn't). What is difficult however, is that 99% of the people around me are not as introverted as I am. In fact, I have not, to date, come across anyone who is as introverted as me.

Social inclusion vs social acceptance

Inclusion is a very big word these days in society. We are all being motivated to include others into our daily lives and the lives we have in society, disregarding gender, race, age, illness, disability (mentally, physically or both) sexual orientation,…. However there does lie a difference between inclusion and acceptance. Social inclusion “Jeanne, 43, ASD, works at an office. There is a massive summer event coming up, organised by the general staff of the office. Everybody is excited and talking about it. There will be a BBQ first and then a dance at a big venue. Even though Jeanne is comfortable around her colleagues, the thought of going there frightens her and gives her anxiety. She tells her colleagues she will not be attending and uses the excuses that it is too far away from her home and the travel time will be too long. Her colleagues immediately offer to come pick her up and drive her back home after the party, so she won’t miss out on all the fun. Jeanne feels terribly distressed by this.”

“Why are you so quiet?”

How many of you have ever had the question asked, "Why are you so quiet?" or along those lines? My quietness was commented on throughout my entire childhood - by peers as well as teachers. Yet no one ever suspected I had ASD. People thought quietness was a negative character trait. This is really sad as it can actually be a wonderful, positive trait. I always used to think what a strange thing it was for teachers to remark on, since as far as I was concerned, school was a place where students listened and teachers taught. I never used to say anything, I just used to get on with my work quietly. Why was there a problem? I was getting high marks and meeting deadlines. Even as an adult, the few times I've been in employment, I've had colleagues and employers tell me that I'm "quiet." Well, yes I am quiet, why is it such a big deal to have a quiet personality? "Why are you so quiet?" is such an odd question to ask. I would never dream of asking somebody that. It feels really judgmental. I wonder why people feel that this is an acceptable thing to say? It just seems such a ridiculous thing to comment on. In hindsight however, I understand why a teacher would comment on it. They think something is wrong and that the person's confidence needs to be developed. But never did they suspect it was a characteristic of my ASD. Being quiet can be a part of someone's personality (like mine). There may also be more to it (as in my case, too). Here are some possible reasons why a person on the autistic spectrum might be quiet:

8 reasons why being in a public environment is so hard

Here are 8 reasons why being in a public environment might be so hard, anxiety-provoking or tiring for people on the autistic spectrum. 1. Increased sensory input Human beings create a lot of sensory information! Every single person has a unique smell, they might create noise (for example: talking, shoe shuffling, coughing, music coming from their earphones, them typing on their laptop...), they might generate visual input (for example: their bright coloured or patterned clothes, their motion...). The more people there are, the greater the amount of sensory input there will be. This sensory input will be absorbed and manually processed by the person with ASD, in comparison to neurotypical people who appear to automatically process this input. Basically, the person will experience greater discomfort and has to make significantly more effort.

The extra importance of ‘free time’ for people with ASD

'Free time' is important for everyone in order to maintain a healthy work-life balance. Free time could be defined as the time outside the normal working day or the time allocated to seeing friends or pursuing hobbies. For people who work a 9-5 working week or for children who go to school, their free time will typically mean the evenings or the weekends. Throughout the day, breaks and lunch breaks are also sometimes considered to be free time. There are a few things to consider when we talk about free time for people with ASD. Normal day to day activities consume an enormous amount of energy for people on the autism spectrum. There are various reasons why things are so draining, including but not limited to: