70 Results in socialising

How to stop saying things you don’t mean

Saying things we don't mean is a part of masking. 'Masking' is what lots of autistic people (especially females) do in social situations. Arguably the worst consequence of masking - which isn't always talked about - is that it has the potential to destroy relationships. If you are not being your true self when around others, then how can you expect to have meaningful relationships? Let's look at some ways we can learn to stop saying things we don't mean.

Compartmentalised relationships

I have noticed that other people are much more integrated to their surroundings and their relationships. They can mix their family and their friends (and often involve their family and friends in their work and hobbies). They can mix friends with other friends. This is in contrast to me, in which the different aspects of my life are kept separated. I've noticed that in particular it is easier for me if my relationships are kept separate from each other. I've learned that neurotypical people can feel quite excited by the prospect of meeting new people and introducing them to their social networks and vice versa. Surely this is exactly why people enjoy parties and social gatherings, because of all that "mingling"! I have had quite unusual relationships. I once dated someone for about 2 years and in that time I never met this person's friends or got involved in his social life. I remember my friend thinking this was weird. This was long before I knew I had ASD. It might be a bit weird but it makes sense now why it was this way!

Why small talk matters and how to do it

The definition of small talk is 'polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters.' Most of us have to make a lot of it! I know that lots of autistic people dislike small talk (including me), but I think it has its benefits and I think there are a couple of tricks you can do to make it a bit easier.

Can your base social energy level be increased?

In sports science, there's a theory known as supercompensation. It's a way of improving your base level of fitness. The way to do this, it proposes, is by putting yourself through more exercise just after you've recovered from your previous workout. The time of the next workout is absolutely critical - you have to do it after you've recovered but you can't have too long a gap. This blog article was inspired because the way I weight train is very much through supercompensation methods. My base level of fitness increases regularly. It made me wonder whether this idea could help someone increase their base level of social energy. Let's look at it in more detail:

Unresponsiveness and lack of communication in ASD people

One of the reasons that having friends is hard for me is because I am not very communicative. My friends (before they understood my condition) would contact me but my responses would always be minimal and would not encourage further communication. For example, I might answer their question but then say nothing further. I'm sure many of you will be familiar with the following sorts of interaction:

Planning in advance vs spontaneous activities

There is a big problem with planning in advance and agreeing to things ahead of time, and that problem is, that it allows anxiety to accumulate and often means that I end up panicking and cancelling. Let's have a look at this in more detail and consider in which sort of situations planning in advance might be helpful vs when it might not be.

How do I know if someone will want to talk to me?

I sometimes want to interact with someone but I am unsure how to. There are lots of worries that go through my mind any time I am about to initiate an interaction with someone (be it a colleague or even a friend). 'Working' interactions By 'working' interactions I mean interactions with colleagues, peers or strangers rather than friends. These interactions are most difficult when face to face in a public setting and there are lots of other things going on (for example, we're in a shop, in the office, or in a doctor's waiting room). I cannot read a person's body language to be able to tell if they are going to hear what I say, if they are even going to recognise me (if it's someone I don't know/know well), or to work out whether they are busy or not and therefore do they even have time to speak to me, or will I just be disturbing them?

How to be a team player at work

I am naturally a very, very solitary, self-motivated, intuitive person and generally I try to avoid collaborating with others on anything. A lot of other autistic people also greatly struggle working with other people and prefer to work on their own. Realistically however, when you work, you may well end up having to work with other people on occassion. I am learning to be a bit more of a team player. Here are some of my tips on how to better work with other people when it's very much out of your comfort zone and against your natural way of being. My conclusion is that you don't have to change your personality or pretend to be something you're not, but you could adjust your behaviour a little instead.

10 ideas for being a friend to a person on the spectrum

Building a relationship with a person on the autistic spectrum can be a bit different to what neurotypical people might be used to. You may benefit from making some adjustments to the way you communicate and plan things. With some little adjustments and a more open mind, you can have a wonderfully enriching relationship. Here are 10 ideas and things to think about which may make your relationship blossom!

Is apathy a symptom of an ASD?

This is an interesting topic of discussion! There's some thinking that people on the autistic spectrum lack emotions. I can say that for me this is true a lot of the time in terms of apathy. Apathy: lack of interest, enthusiasm or concern Apathy may be a symptom of an Autism Spectrum Disorder. If somebody has a different world view and experience to the majority of people (neurotypical people) around them, it means they are unlikely to share the same values and desires and have the same motivations. It does not mean that a person is necessarily lacking emotions, but rather that they may feel differently about things and may feel apathetic about the things that stir emotion in most other people.