67 Results in communication

Why autistic people need others to be reliable

One of the traits I most admire and need is reliability. If I am to have any sort of meaningful relationship with someone then they must be reliable. The fundamental reason is that when a person is reliable, their actions are predictable. If their actions are predictable then my relationship with them is also going to be predictable. That means a larger proportion of my life will be predictable. When my life is predictable I feel much less anxious. My mental health is improved. What do I mean when I talk about 'reliability'? A reliable person is someone who: Communicates clearly their plans Does what they say they are going to do Doesn't tend to forget about what they said Is organised in their mind Is responsive Is punctual Doesn't often change or cancel plans These are all characteristics that many neurotypical people also appreciate and admire. However, I think a lot of autistic people will have a much, much greater "need" for this characteristic in others.

The 3 ways to connect with someone

I have often wondered why I get on well with some people and why being around others causes stress. When I thought about it, I realised that it was primarily to do with just three things!! I realised that there are three main ways that people can connect with each other and those people who I don't get on with are the ones who don't use any of these ways. I have also made a very good animation to explain this, which you can watch below! The ways can be thought of as levels:

What “putting yourself in another person’s shoes” really means

There is normally some confusion over the phrase, "to put yourself in another person's shoes." It is confusing because it can be taken in two ways:  Way 1) To imagine yourself in the other person's situation Way 2) To imagine being the other person in their situation A lot of people seem to do number 1, but number 2 is actually the better way to get close to someone. If this is confusing, watch our amazing animated film to understand:

Does talking help?

There is a belief that "talking helps". That has never been my experience. A lot of the time I find that talking about my feelings makes me feel worse than before. I wanted to summarise why this might be.

Using different characters to improve social interaction

One concept that I find useful to think about is using different 'characters' to help me get better at social interaction. This can involve a degree of masking but, as I've mentioned before, I don't consider masking to always be a bad thing. The ability to mask helps me get what I want a lot of the time. It is the only way that I get by in the neurotypical world. Here are some characters that autistic people may find useful to get to know from inside themselves: The Observer

If I didn’t mask, I wouldn’t speak

I don't like the idea of masking because no one should have to hide who they really are. Individuality should be loved and accepted.  But masking is also a means of being able to interact, and often, if a person did not mask, they would not be able to interact at all. 

How reactive are you?

Someone who is unreactive might never say or do anything at all. Someone who is very reactive might talk too much, might talk inappropriately, might stand too close to people, be too "touchy-feely", or they might attempt to 'take over' an activity being done. The former is what you probably understand to be an autistic introvert, the latter an autistic extrovert.

Linear vs non-linear thinking

I have been reading about the idea of linear and non-linear thinking. Linear thinking is "ordered thinking in which one thought follows another in a straight line". This is in comparison to more non-linear thinking in which thoughts are "a bit more varied and each thought links to another in more than one way". This is my rough summary! Of course human beings and their thoughts are far more complex than this in reality. If I illustrate these two types of thinking, it might look like this:

Another way of looking at “challenging behaviour”

Throughout my life I have found myself in trouble on numerous occasions. I think this is because other people think that my behaviour is strange, naughty or thoughtless and sometimes the things that I do come as a complete surprise to others. But when people look a bit deeper and try to understand me, my behaviour completely makes sense. I’m no longer “difficult” but someone that is very anxious and has quite severe and complex communication difficulties. The issues surrounding my behaviour usually happen because I have difficulty communicating with people and they have difficulty communicating with me. I have three excellent examples I can think of. The first is when my workplace was organising the local community fair. This is a fair where local shops each have a stand and the fair attracts many people from the community. My workplace had a stand and my colleagues had asked me whether I could help out on the stand. My immediate thought was "no!" I tried to say to my colleagues that I wasn't able to help out but somehow this communication was either lost or ignored and, as what normally happens, I ended up doing something I didn't want to do - in this case, I ended up helping out on the stand at the fair.

What is my personality and what is my autism?

I was once asked by someone, "How do I know if my behaviour is because I'm ASD or is it merely who I am?" It was a good question and one that I have many times pondered over myself. There's not a clear or easy answer.