12 Results in change

Maintaining your Happy Balance

Someone once taught me a very important life lesson. They said, "always ensure you are doing more of what you like and less of what you don't like." I think I'll call this the Happy Balance.  When we are doing more of what we like and less of what we don't like, we are likely to feel happy. It might be helpful to regularly reflect on your life and assess 1) the quantity and 2) the weighting of the activities you are doing. You can consider small parts of your life (such as your job or how you spend your weekends) or you can reflect on your life in general.

2 rarely emphasised ways of coping with change

Many people struggle with change and it is well known that autistic people struggle with change even more so. There are primarily two types of change: 1) chosen change and 2) imposed change. The pandemic is an example of an imposed change. If you are interested in learning more about how people react to change, I recommend reading about the Kubler-Ross change curve. The Kubler-Ross model suggests that, after a change, people go through 5 different stages and feel 5 different emotions, and they eventually come to accept the change. The change becomes the new normal and the person gets on with their life. I think that it is quite interesting to note that the way people react to chosen and imposed changes is remarkably similar. Even chosen changes can cause feelings of anger and grief, for example. Although it is helpful to learn how to deal with the emotions associated with change, there are at least two other, lesser talked about, factors that people might benefit from learning to manage. These two things have actually benefited me far more than learning to cope with the 5 feelings in the Change Curve. So I want everybody to know about them! So, here are two rarely emphasised things that happen to us when we go through change and ways to successfully combat them:

How to manage separation anxiety problems

In the previous article I provided insight into why autistic people might experience separation anxiety. Now I will look at what we can do to overcome or reduce this particular type of anxiety...

Why autistic people need others to be reliable

One of the traits I most admire and need is reliability. If I am to have any sort of meaningful relationship with someone then they must be reliable. The fundamental reason is that when a person is reliable, their actions are predictable. If their actions are predictable then my relationship with them is also going to be predictable. That means a larger proportion of my life will be predictable. When my life is predictable I feel much less anxious. My mental health is improved. What do I mean when I talk about 'reliability'? A reliable person is someone who: Communicates clearly their plans Does what they say they are going to do Doesn't tend to forget about what they said Is organised in their mind Is responsive Is punctual Doesn't often change or cancel plans These are all characteristics that many neurotypical people also appreciate and admire. However, I think a lot of autistic people will have a much, much greater "need" for this characteristic in others.

How can I adjust to this new way of living?

We are currently living in challenging times, in which there is a lot of change and restrictions. Currently for most people this means only being allowed out of the house once per day for exercise. I receive messages from my friends. There is a trend in what they say. They say something like, "I am well, I'm just trying to adjust to this new way of living."  That sentence is very interesting. In my immediate world, not much has changed. My normal life is a life of semi-quarantine anyway! I am sure that many other autistic people also live similar, isolated lives. The greatest change for me has been observing changes in the outside world. Now, when I walk through my high street, it is deserted. All the shops and cafes I would usually go to are abandoned. All the car parking spaces at the sides of the roads, which would normally contain parked cars, are empty. It looks like a ghost town. I remember the last cup of tea I had from the cafe before it closed. I live in London. I have seen all the photos of central London in its abandonment. I know what central London is normally like. Now it is eerie. Another change for me is noticing the change in other people's behaviour. People who live 'normal' lives are no longer going out. People who usually see their family a lot, but are in circumstances where their family don't live with them, are in contact only by phone and internet. Or sometimes through a safe distance of the window as one person stands in the front garden and the other waves from inside the house! It is bizarre. If I do see anyone outside or in the supermarket, I see a lot of people wearing masks. This is now normal. People are looking different. When I go to the supermarket, many of the shelves are empty. I am no longer able to purchase my normal food. Like many autistic people, I tend to eat the same things, the same brands, and I have always tended to buy my food in bulk because I know I will eat it over a long period of time. I'm no longer able to buy large quantities of the food I like. Even on the rare occasions in the supermarket where there are multiple quantities of an item of food I like, I only buy one or two. My diet is going to have to change for the time-being.

How to cope with unpredictability

Most autistic people benefit from feeling that their world is predictable. By predictable I mean: knowing what is going to happen next and fully understanding what any situation entails. Due to the nature of being human and daily living however, no matter what measures people take, there is still going to be a degree of everyday unpredictability. I will look at some of these unpredictabilities and suggest strategies on how to manage:

Is it good to get outside your comfort zone?

There is some thinking that getting out of your comfort zone has lots of benefits. First, what exactly do we mean by 'comfort zone'? It generally means the activities we do that make us feel safe and comfortable, as opposed to activities that make us feel anxious and stressed. I think maybe when we think about comfort zones for autistic people or people with disabilities, they need to be thought about a bit differently. For example, I'm not sure getting out of my own comfort zone is always a good idea. In fact, I'd say that most of the time for me now, it's a bad idea. Defining your comfort zone I personally have a small number of situations that are inside my comfort zone. My house is obviously my comfort zone. My local area is my comfort zone. The way I choose to commute, by my bike, is my comfort zone. The places that I most frequently visit are my comfort zones. My routine is definitely my comfort zone. My hobbies and the way I do them are my comfort zone. My family is inside my comfort zone. My friends are inside my comfort zone (but only in certain contexts, see later). My places of work are probably just outside the edge of my comfort zone.

How could the challenges of autism be seen as strengths instead?

I have a bit of a problem looking at a lot of the literature and listening to people talk about “the positive traits of autism”. Whenever I hear or read these lists I usually largely disagree with them, because I feel that what is being listed is actually more to do with an individual’s personality rather than… Join The Curly Hair Project Community Today This article and our podcasts are available only to members of our community. If you would like to conti…

How to support autistic people through change

I’ve learned a lot through running my businesses. An idea I’ve come across is The Kubler-Ross Change Curve* (this is actually the same idea as the 5 stages of grief, which I’ve talked about before but in a different way). The Change Curve is used to understand how people might respond to and move through… Join The Curly Hair Project Community Today This article and our podcasts are available only to members of our community. If you would like to continue to r…

Familiarity vs predictability

I've been thinking about what makes a situation easier for me. One aspect I talked about recently was how immediate a situation is. I debated whether doing something very soon is sometimes easier than planning it ahead of time. Something else I think makes a difference is how predictable and how familiar something is. Let's find out more.