35 Results in parenting

10 things I wish my teachers had known

Recently I took part in an interview which asked me about my school days. There were some really good questions and the interview made me reflect on my school experiences when 1) I was just a child and 2) I didn't know I had Asperger's Syndrome. I know now I have Asperger's Syndrome. Now I have discovered a lot of strategies to help me live with my condition. I thought if I wrote an article that highlighted some things my teachers could have known about me, then this might be helpful to some teachers (and parents) now.

How to manage separation anxiety problems

In the previous article I provided insight into why autistic people might experience separation anxiety. Now I will look at what we can do to overcome or reduce this particular type of anxiety...

Understanding separation anxiety

Something that I remember very strongly from my childhood is a feeling of anxiety whenever my parents left me anywhere, such as to drop me off at school or when they went out for a while. As an adult, I still have that feeling of anxiety even now about my parents. I also sometimes feel anxiety when I am spending time with someone and the time is coming to an end. Saying "goodbye" can be really hard. It is obvious now why such situations make me feel so anxious. The anxiety is largely caused by the transition from being with someone to being apart from them. I have learned that transitions can be incredibly hard for autistic people. The Covid-19 lockdown will likely have emphasised feelings of separation anxiety for autistic people. For example, they might have been separated from family and friends who were part of a routine. And, as the lockdown is eased, autistic people will have to get used to being apart from those they live with because of the return to school and work.

Are autistic people more likely to have gender dysphoria?

Gender dysphoria (GD) is the condition where a person experiences discomfort or distress because their biological sex does not match with their gender identity. A person born female may identify as a male and a person born male may identify as a female. There is some thinking that there is a link between ASD and GD. However, there is very little evidence and results are unclear. I have some thoughts on why there may be such a link:

Different behaviours at home vs when out

One of the most common things I hear from parents is that their child is well behaved at school but has terrible outbursts at home. Because the teachers don't see these difficult behaviours, it might cause them to disbelieve the parents or not believe there are any 'problems.' Similarly with adults, an adult may get on very well at work and appear friendly and kind to their co-workers, yet can behave very differently and be difficult at home. Professor Tony Attwood refers to this as the Jekyl and Hyde character. It has been highlighted in many sources that individuals on the autistic spectrum display significantly different behaviours in different settings. In this article I will look at some reasons why this might occur and how the people around the ASD individual could better support them.

Dealing with unsafe situations – recognising danger

Children with ASD may be more prone to putting themselves in dangerous situations than children without ASD. It doesn't stop in childhood - adults with ASD too, may unintentionally put themselves in dangerous situations more frequently than other people. There is already lots of interesting and helpful information about this subject on the internet and in books. In particular, sources often detail on sensory processing challenges - for example, a person not being able to recognise when something is too hot, too cold, or too sharp and touching it. I am going to look at recognising danger from some other angles, however. I hope you enjoy my thoughts!

People with ASD: argumentative?

I am the sort of person who always has to have the last word about something. I understand that many people on the spectrum have this trait. This article was triggered because my friend said to me, "Alis, my daughter always has to have the last word. And I think you are like this too? It's very difficult for the family." Funny enough, it seems to me that our neurotypical loved ones 'find' themselves in arguments... they do not tend to start them! Let's define what "to have the last word" means. It means that, in a conversation or - more commonly - in a disagreement or argument, a person says something which is final, i.e. that topic of discussion ends. It usually means that the person who makes the final statement has made the final decision. Two easy examples are a head chef having the last word on what dish is served next week, or a father having the last word on getting his child to have a bath. To have the last word also means not to be able to 'drop' something. Sometimes it means to initiate arguments. Although many people with ASD avoid conflict at all costs, others are very argumentative. In this article, I will look at why people with ASD might be so argumentative and how loved ones can cope with this difficult trait.

Repetitive questioning

It is common for people on the autistic spectrum to repeat questions, words or phrases, or to seem to want to talk about the same thing. In this article, I will discuss why this might be, give examples, and suggest strategies to help. Personally, I do find myself asking the same thing over and over again. For myself, the primary problem is that I do not process social interactions very well (words, language, speech, gestures, expressions...). I can hear the words, but not understand what is meant. I receive the information but there is a delay before I actually understand what someone means. 

Helping teenagers to improve self confidence

Many people with autism also have mental health problems, which include: low mood, anxiety, loneliness and a lack of self-confidence. The teenage years are arguably some of the toughest years for everyone, so here are a few suggestions to help teenagers with ASD feel more confident. These are some of the things I wish my parents, friends and teachers had done and said to help me. I've written it for parents but it could be for anyone who cares about someone with ASD:

Difficulties and triggers vs likes and needs

One of the most helpful things about knowing I am autistic, is gaining understanding of things that help me and things that hinder me. Once I understood what are my difficulties and triggers, and my likes and needs (specifically, the things that make me gain social energy), I became aware of my limitations and was able to adjust my lifestyle. There are a lot of things I can do, but I don't (or I won't) do them. This is the way I live. It enables me to live a happy life and I achieve a lot of things. For me, putting limits on my lifestyle has been very enabling. In this article, I wanted to show why limitations can actually be a good thing.