25 Results in friendships

Why a person with ASD might cancel last minute

I often make plans or agree to plans with others that sound OK, might even sound fun, but then when the time actually comes I don't want to go through with it. Throughout my life, I've been known to cancel on people last minute. Even though I like to think of myself as a highly reliable and committed person, I would more often than not cancel events and meetings. Interestingly, as an adult who has come to terms with my diagnosis I have created a life structure that is both helpful and energising. Subsequently, I cancel far less nowadays. In this post, I will talk about some of the reasons why a person with ASD might cancel something last minute and suggest strategies on how to lessen the chance of this happening. For other people, reading and understanding why plans can sometimes cause difficulty for people with ASD, you can help make their life easier too. 

What to say to a friend who is suffering

When you have ASD, it can be very hard to know what to say and how to respond to people. Even under 'normal' circumstances, such as having a coffee and a chat with a friend or speaking with colleagues at work, this can be difficult. So what happens when someone you know becomes involved in a far more unusual situation, such as when they are suffering because of a loss or an illness? How do you know what to say to them then? Mourning and suffering occur for lots of reasons. It can be the more obvious, e.g. the death of a loved one or a pet, but it can also mean a break up, an illness, moving away from your birth town, etc. All these things can cause a person to suffer and trigger grief or mourning. It is never easy to deal with, and finding the right words to help someone who is suffering can be tricky. Here are our 5 tips on how to communicate with a friend who has known loss, illness, depression…or is faced with any type of suffer or mourning.

10 ways to ease primary to secondary transition with ASD

The transition from primary to secondary school is thought to be one of the most difficult times for children on the autistic spectrum. Many girls in particular seem to cope quite well at primary school (even without an ASD diagnosis or without ASD even being suspected); and indeed it's far more common for girls to only be diagnosed at or after puberty, rather than before. There are lots of thoughts about why this is but in this article I will write to parents about some of the difficulties that may occur for children with ASD because of the primary to secondary transition and some suggestions on what can be done to make it easier. I would like to emphasise the huge importance of thinking about the move to secondary school well before the time actually comes. I sometimes talk to parents who tell me that their child is "only [age]" [and so] "it's a bit too early to think about that now" but I can assure you that it is not too early to at least be somewhat aware of the challenges that may arise. Many of the challenges can be greatly reduced by preparing early or, for some things, simply by being aware of them. Girls with ASD (in particular) are prone to suffering from mental health conditions in their teenage years. Some of these conditions, such as eating disorders, can negatively affect that person for the rest of their life. If there is the chance therefore, that we can reduce the likelihood of these conditions from arising, we should take it! Here's my advice to parents, based on personal experience of the things that would have helped me:

Difficulties associated with being an introvert

Once I learned what introversion was, a lot of things made sense to me. I am an introvert. Once I began to understand what it meant, I felt a lot better about myself (before I knew about introversion and extroversion, I used to wonder why everyone else was so social and I wasn't). What is difficult however, is that 99% of the people around me are not as introverted as I am. In fact, I have not, to date, come across anyone who is as introverted as me.

Social inclusion vs social acceptance

Inclusion is a very big word these days in society. We are all being motivated to include others into our daily lives and the lives we have in society, disregarding gender, race, age, illness, disability (mentally, physically or both) sexual orientation,…. However there does lie a difference between inclusion and acceptance. Social inclusion “Jeanne, 43, ASD, works at an office. There is a massive summer event coming up, organised by the general staff of the office. Everybody is excited and talking about it. There will be a BBQ first and then a dance at a big venue. Even though Jeanne is comfortable around her colleagues, the thought of going there frightens her and gives her anxiety. She tells her colleagues she will not be attending and uses the excuses that it is too far away from her home and the travel time will be too long. Her colleagues immediately offer to come pick her up and drive her back home after the party, so she won’t miss out on all the fun. Jeanne feels terribly distressed by this.”

Changing relationships pre- and post-diagnosis

An awkward scenario I find myself in is when I come in contact with someone who knew me before my diagnosis. Last year I met up with an old classmate, who I had not been in touch with since university. When discussing what we'd been up to, I mentioned the curly hair project, and of course this led to further questions... eventually with me disclosing that I'd been diagnosed as autistic some time after the end of my degree. The young man's response was something like "Oh... ok."

Loneliness: a part of being on the spectrum?

‘Ella (28, ASD) has promised her dad to go and watch his performance with the guitar school he takes classes with. The performance takes place in a theatre, and every seat is taken as the performance was sold out. Ella finds that a lot of people want to talk to her about the unique coat… Join The Curly Hair Project Community Today This article and our podcasts are available only to members of our community. If you would like to continue to read this article, along with receiv…

The extra importance of ‘free time’ for people with ASD

'Free time' is important for everyone in order to maintain a healthy work-life balance. Free time could be defined as the time outside the normal working day or the time allocated to seeing friends or pursuing hobbies. For people who work a 9-5 working week or for children who go to school, their free time will typically mean the evenings or the weekends. Throughout the day, breaks and lunch breaks are also sometimes considered to be free time. There are a few things to consider when we talk about free time for people with ASD. Normal day to day activities consume an enormous amount of energy for people on the autism spectrum. There are various reasons why things are so draining, including but not limited to:

Autistic personas

When I see people, I tend to meet them under one or two scenarios: When my social energy is high When I am masking The problem with this is that neither of these 'appearances' are the truest version of me, which means the people I meet see a sort of 'persona'. This has several consequences, which I will talk about further down. First, let's look at those two scenarios:

4 simple strategies for socialising

Many people with ASD crave companionship, want to make friends and spend time with friends. But even spending time with friends can be difficult and stressful, which is something that I'm not sure many neurotypical people would understand. This article provides 4 simple strategies for both the individual with ASD and their friend(s), to make the time spent together more comfortable for the individual with ASD, which will consequently make the relationship stronger and more enjoyable for both.