78 Results in Thoughts, Feelings & Behaviour

Why autistic people need others to be reliable

One of the traits I most admire and need is reliability. If I am to have any sort of meaningful relationship with someone then they must be reliable. The fundamental reason is that when a person is reliable, their actions are predictable. If their actions are predictable then my relationship with them is also going to be predictable. That means a larger proportion of my life will be predictable. When my life is predictable I feel much less anxious. My mental health is improved. What do I mean when I talk about 'reliability'? A reliable person is someone who: Communicates clearly their plans Does what they say they are going to do Doesn't tend to forget about what they said Is organised in their mind Is responsive Is punctual Doesn't often change or cancel plans These are all characteristics that many neurotypical people also appreciate and admire. However, I think a lot of autistic people will have a much, much greater "need" for this characteristic in others.

Does talking help?

There is a belief that "talking helps". That has never been my experience. A lot of the time I find that talking about my feelings makes me feel worse than before. I wanted to summarise why this might be.

The Glass Jar Theory

The glass jar represents the difficulties that an autistic person has, which makes them feel that they are living inside a glass jar. Watch our amazing video to see how being inside a glass jar might make a person feel:

Do you control life or does life control you? The Locus

The question of whether or not you can control your life, or how much degree of control you have, is very interesting. Some people think that no matter what they do, that their fate has already largely been determined. Others believe that they can change or direct their future. You could think of these beliefs as two extremes 1) that outside factors influence what happens to an individual, and 2) that an individual can influence the outcome for themselves.  I discovered that this idea is well documented in psychology and is known as the Locus of Control. Understanding of the concept was developed by Julian B. Rotter in 1954. I thought I'd write about it:

How to cope with overwhelming thoughts

Some autistic people have a great number of thoughts all the time throughout the day. In fact, they can have so many thoughts that they feel completely consumed by them. I thought I would write an article about the different types of thoughts that a person may have and how they could sort and manage them, and ultimately de-clutter their mind!

5 ways to cope with disappointment

I wonder whether disappointment is a feeling that autistic people more commonly experience. The reason I say that is because when someone is disappointed it is usually because a situation has not occurred in the way they had expected. This is perceived as an unplanned change or that what was predicted did not happen. Here are my top 5 ways to handle disappointment.

What does “different not less” mean?

There is a phrase that goes around the internet that says, “Autistic people are different, not less.” I never understood what this phrase meant until I stopped and thought about it. There is actually quite a lot of deep insight behind this phrase that many people (including me!) do or did not understand. What is… Join The Curly Hair Project Community Today This article and our podcasts are available only to members of our community. If you would like to continue t…

If I didn’t mask, I wouldn’t speak

I don't like the idea of masking because no one should have to hide who they really are. Individuality should be loved and accepted.  But masking is also a means of being able to interact, and often, if a person did not mask, they would not be able to interact at all. 

How reactive are you?

Someone who is unreactive might never say or do anything at all. Someone who is very reactive might talk too much, might talk inappropriately, might stand too close to people, be too "touchy-feely", or they might attempt to 'take over' an activity being done. The former is what you probably understand to be an autistic introvert, the latter an autistic extrovert.

Controlling what you can and managing what you can’t

One very important lesson I have learned which helps in many areas of my life is: controlling what can be controlled and executing strategies to manage what can't be controlled. A strategy I use to deal with such situations is to work out what, right now in that situation in that moment, can be controlled to my benefit.