38 Results in Anxiety

Why autistic people need others to be reliable

One of the traits I most admire and need is reliability. If I am to have any sort of meaningful relationship with someone then they must be reliable. The fundamental reason is that when a person is reliable, their actions are predictable. If their actions are predictable then my relationship with them is also going to be predictable. That means a larger proportion of my life will be predictable. When my life is predictable I feel much less anxious. My mental health is improved. What do I mean when I talk about 'reliability'? A reliable person is someone who: Communicates clearly their plans Does what they say they are going to do Doesn't tend to forget about what they said Is organised in their mind Is responsive Is punctual Doesn't often change or cancel plans These are all characteristics that many neurotypical people also appreciate and admire. However, I think a lot of autistic people will have a much, much greater "need" for this characteristic in others.

What is de-sensitisation and why is it important?

Everyone experiences phases in their life. A phase could be the period of your life when you are at school or the period of your life you are working in a particular job. Relationships have phases as well. There are phases where you might see or interact with a particular person regularly and phases where you lose touch. Change can be very, very difficult for autistic people. Therefore, transitions between phases can be problematic and it can take an autistic person a long time to 'settle' into a new phase. It can also be very difficult to transition back into a previous phase, which is what this article is about. This article was inspired by the partial lockdown we are currently in in the UK. I started thinking about how we've all had to adjust to this new life of quarantine and how it might be returning to normal. We will effectively have to return to a previous 'phase'. If you have read my book, 'What I have Learned about Life', you might remember that I wrote "I would probably never be able to go back to university again and that I would probably never be able to go back to a 'normal' type of job again". Even though I managed those experiences before, I have not done them for a long time. What I believe has happened is that, whereas I was [somewhat] de-sensitised to those experiences before, I am not now.

How can I adjust to this new way of living?

We are currently living in challenging times, in which there is a lot of change and restrictions. Currently for most people this means only being allowed out of the house once per day for exercise. I receive messages from my friends. There is a trend in what they say. They say something like, "I am well, I'm just trying to adjust to this new way of living."  That sentence is very interesting. In my immediate world, not much has changed. My normal life is a life of semi-quarantine anyway! I am sure that many other autistic people also live similar, isolated lives. The greatest change for me has been observing changes in the outside world. Now, when I walk through my high street, it is deserted. All the shops and cafes I would usually go to are abandoned. All the car parking spaces at the sides of the roads, which would normally contain parked cars, are empty. It looks like a ghost town. I remember the last cup of tea I had from the cafe before it closed. I live in London. I have seen all the photos of central London in its abandonment. I know what central London is normally like. Now it is eerie. Another change for me is noticing the change in other people's behaviour. People who live 'normal' lives are no longer going out. People who usually see their family a lot, but are in circumstances where their family don't live with them, are in contact only by phone and internet. Or sometimes through a safe distance of the window as one person stands in the front garden and the other waves from inside the house! It is bizarre. If I do see anyone outside or in the supermarket, I see a lot of people wearing masks. This is now normal. People are looking different. When I go to the supermarket, many of the shelves are empty. I am no longer able to purchase my normal food. Like many autistic people, I tend to eat the same things, the same brands, and I have always tended to buy my food in bulk because I know I will eat it over a long period of time. I'm no longer able to buy large quantities of the food I like. Even on the rare occasions in the supermarket where there are multiple quantities of an item of food I like, I only buy one or two. My diet is going to have to change for the time-being.

10 ways to live in the moment

Living in the moment is a strategy that I use to reduce my anxiety. I didn't used to live in the moment but I can say with certainty that ever since doing so, life has confidently been a lot more comfortable for me. Here are 10 ways that I do this every day: 1. Focusing on what I am doing It’s often said that autistic people have an ability to ‘hyperfocus’ (deeply concentrate) on activities. If I am living in the moment then it facilities my ability to hyperfocus. I don’t think about anything other than what I’m actually doing right now. It enables me to create high quality work, get tasks finished and experience satisfaction! If I wasn’t living in the moment, this hyperfocus ability would not be utilised or appreciated (and it’s such an awesome ability to have!).

How does social anxiety differ for autistic people?

Long before I knew I had Asperger's Syndrome, my GP said I had social anxiety. I did some reading on social anxiety and although it did sort of fit me, it wasn't an exact fit. Most of the literature on social anxiety talked about people who have self-critical, negative thoughts such as... "Nobody likes me" "What if I make a fool of myself?" "I'm such a failure at socialising" I sort of had these thoughts, but wasn't really sure. Those thoughts were probably more linked to being young and feeling insecure generally rather than anything else. As I got older and after I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome I realised that the thoughts I was actually having were more linked to my social communication difficulties rather than believing people to be judging me. I like myself and I know that I am a nice person! So once I fully understood and accepted that I had Asperger's Syndrome, I no longer had those sorts of thoughts at all. The reason for my social anxiety, now that I know I have ASD, is more to do with finding social interactions extremely difficult and overwhelming.

The mystery surrounding anxiety

When I was younger I used to feel anxious most of the time. The point is, I didn't realise that it was anxiety. I knew I was "quiet", but the word "anxious" was never really brought up. Everyone called me "quiet". Quiet is a very common word and even children know what the word quiet means. What no one explained however, and what I did not realise at the time, was that "anxiety" can sometimes cause someone to be "quiet". And "anxious" can be much more of a problem than "quiet" is. "Anxiety" was a complete mystery to me.

Why advance notice is important

Like most autistic people, I really struggle coping with situations that happen spontaneously. I started to think what the fundamental reason for this is and found that I have been able to summarise it quite simply... When something is going to happen, there are 3 things I need to consider:

To care or not care what others think?

Lots of people care greatly about what others think of them. Most of us from a young age are pressurised to behave and look a certain way and to follow social rules. At school, children who don't meet this strict social 'criteria', tend to be bullied. Adults may be judged negatively or suffer discrimination. Since autistic people tend to be different from most people, I wondered whether they would tend to worry about how other people perceive them.

The 2 most debilitating aspects of social anxiety

Social anxiety is an extremely restrictive condition to live with. Social anxiety, for me, is feeling extremely shy, frightened, awkward, nervous, at both the thought of interacting with someone and during the actual interaction with them. I have narrowed down the 2 most debilitating aspects, for me, of social anxiety to be...

How to cope with unpredictability

Most autistic people benefit from feeling that their world is predictable. By predictable I mean: knowing what is going to happen next and fully understanding what any situation entails. Due to the nature of being human and daily living however, no matter what measures people take, there is still going to be a degree of everyday unpredictability. I will look at some of these unpredictabilities and suggest strategies on how to manage: